Are you keeping your cool or just coasting?
By Alice Crann Good / Photos by Kate Treick Photography
With the current torrent of news about natural disasters, loss of life and homes, political fighting splitting families and breaking friendships, and feeling the world is raging against us at every turn, many are mentally down for the count.
Phew. After all, negativity appears to be overtaking news broadcasts and social media 24/7.
Contemporary mental health experts note that increasing numbers of their clients are going through life without acknowledging and processing this flood of difficult feelings and experiences.
The condition du jour is called “emotional coasting,” where we put our numb, overwhelmed selves on autopilot.
“We learn in social psychology that we are shaped by our social life,” said Colleen Donovan Brown, owner of Soul Centered Coaching & Counseling, licensed mental health counselor and life coach.
“But when we look at the world around us, nobody has given us a roadmap. So, we ask, ‘What do I do when I get mad? What do I do when I get sad?’”
Not knowing how to deal with feelings, let alone a flood of emotions, is why unconscious emotional avoidance can take over — why we check out — Brown said.
Discernment and connecting with yourself are key, Brown stressed, emphasizing the importance of knowing the difference between unconscious and conscious behavior.
One definition of discernment is being able to perceive, understand and judge things clearly, especially those that are not obvious or straightforward. It involves making keen observations and intelligent judgments about people and situations.
“Are you unconsciously going on autopilot to avoid, or are you consciously acknowledging the feeling first and doing an activity to process it?” Brown said.
“We all have the ability to heal ourselves, and there are a lot of ways to process emotions,” she said. “You have to find a way that works for you, resonates for you, or you won’t do it. Consider journaling, talking to someone, taking a yoga class, walking, lying on the beach. You need to go inward and allow the feeling to be present, to address what is bothering you; it doesn’t matter how you do it.”
“The glorification of busyness in our culture is one of our biggest crutches, the way we justify emotional coasting. We are glorifying ‘I am too busy,’ but at what cost? We all have the same 24 hours and the same choices. Make the choice to help you.”
Owner of Soul Centered Coaching & Counseling, licensed mental health counselor and life coach Colleen Donovan Brown offers some ways to address “emotional coasting.” She suggests trying the RAIN mindfulness technique, which is “the opposite of emotional coasting.” The acronym was coined by meditation teacher Michele McDonald and further developed by psychologist Tara Brach, Ph.D.
R: Recognize your feelings, lean inward.A: Allow feelings to exist, instead of trying to talk yourself out of the feelings.I: Investigate feelings. Be curious about the experience, which is the opposite of judgment. N: Nurture (re-parent) yourself. Be the loving parent for every feeling you are having.
Contact Colleen Donovan Brown: 850-375-5628; colleenbrown.clientsecure.me; Facebook; Instagram and Spotify @thanksforoversharingpodcast.
“The glorification of busyness in our culture is one of our biggest crutches, the way we justify emotional coasting. We are glorifying ‘I am too busy,’ but at what cost? We all have the same 24 hours and the same choices. Make the choice to help you.” — Colleen Donovan Brown
FIND THE TIME TO FIND HELP
“The glorification of busyness in our culture is one of our biggest crutches, the way we justify emotional coasting,” she said, “We are glorifying ‘I am too busy,’ but at what cost? We all have the same 24 hours and the same choices. Make the choice to help you.”
To help embrace your pain, fear and anxieties, Brown recommends the book “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach, Ph.D. It’s a globally recommended read for the current times of global crises and collective anxiety, offering a mindful technique to deal with emotional coasting.
“Yes, many of my clients are stressed and feel haggard right now, too, and emotionally coasting,” said psychotherapist and life coach Tamara Driskell. “Our attention is being pulled in so many ways all day every day. The body has to come in and balance that out, and ways it does that is with numbness and apathy.”
PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE.
Social media is contributing to emotional coasting with information overload, including hateful and angry posts, and social and life comparisons, Driskell said. The constant barrage is overwhelming our senses, leading us to shut down and cope rather than feeling good about ourselves.
“Platforms like Instagram and Facebook often showcase curated highlights of others’ lives,” Driskell said. “Comparing oneself to these idealized portrayals can foster feelings of inadequacy, prompting more emotional withdrawal.”
It’s time to limit screen time and set boundaries for social media to prevent information overload and reduce exposure to negative content, Driskell said.
And read one of her favorite books: “Digital Minimalism, Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World” by Cal Newport.
“The reason I love this book is it gives practical suggestions for reducing being overwhelmed, the constant hijacking of the nervous system, in a way that feels authentic to you,” Driskell said.
Some of Driskell’s favorite ideas: Turn off notifications, especially sounds, so you can be more selective when you choose to read and respond; carefully curate your social media feeds to be in alignment with your core values by unfollowing, muting or unfriending people or pages that trigger you; choose only one to three news outlets for your primary source of information; and consider paying for news apps, so again, you have to open them by choice and aren’t as likely to doom scroll.
BEST FOR LAST: WHEN EMOTIONAL COASTING IS GOOD
“Not everyone who emotionally coasts is doing so as a trauma response,” Driskell said. “For some, it’s not a sign of burnout, it’s simply how they’re wired — a natural emotional set point that leans toward neutrality rather than peaks and valleys. And in the right context, this can be an asset rather than a liability.”
These people tend to be the steady hands in a crisis, Driskell said.
“While others spiral into emotional extremes, they maintain equilibrium,” she said. “They’re not unfeeling; they just process emotions differently — without the turbulence that others might experience. In relationships, they might not be effusive with grand declarations of love, but they’re dependable, consistent and don’t get caught up in unnecessary drama.”
For careers, this trait can be incredibly beneficial, Driskell said. They make excellent surgeons, air traffic controllers, first responders, financial analysts, and therapists — jobs where a level head is an asset.
“While the world rewards passion and intensity, it also relies on people who can walk into a chaotic situation and say, ‘OK, let’s figure this out,’ without their own emotions getting in the way.”
On a personal level, being emotionally even keeled can bring a sense of internal peace, Driskell said. Some people naturally don’t get too rattled or overly excited, and that’s OK, she said.
“The problem only arises when people start to feel like spectators in their own lives rather than participants — or when they’re expected to react with the same level of intensity as those around them and feel like something is ‘wrong’ with them for not doing so.
“In short, emotional coasting is only a problem if it’s preventing someone from experiencing fulfillment or connection,” Driskell stressed. “But for those who are naturally this way, it’s not a flaw — it’s just a different way of being in the world. And in a society obsessed with constant stimulation, that can be a kind of quiet superpower.”
Psychotherapist and life coach Tamara Driskell offers some signs that you or someone you know might be unconsciously emotionally coasting:
You’re always “fine.” Not great, not terrible — just fine. When people ask how you feel about your job, your relationship or your weekend, you default to, “It was good.”
Your emotions stay on mute. No big highs, no big lows — just a steady, even tone. People might call you calm under pressure, but inside, it’s less Zen and more ... numb.
You’re present, but at a distance. You show up, you participate, but there’s a delay — like you’re watching your own life with a slight lag. Conversations feel like something to move through, not fully engage in.
Meaningful connection feels like too much effort. You listen when people talk about their big goals or what’s upsetting them at this moment, but you rarely jump in. Prolonged engagement takes energy, and you’re running on reserves.
You don’t feel like yourself and can’t quite figure out why. It’s not burnout or exhaustion — It’s just a low-level existence. Like wearing emotional noise-canceling headphones, keeping life at a manageable volume.
You keep things surface-level — even with yourself. You handle responsibilities, say “love you” before hanging up the phone and remember birthdays. But when’s the last time you felt deeply moved, excited or connected?
You feel more like an observer than a participant. You’re not unhappy, not ungrateful — just detached. Like you’re watching life through glass, steady but distant.
Contact Tamara Driskell: 850-530-9730; tamaradriskell.com; Substack, Instagram, TikTok.
“While often viewed negatively, emotional coasting can serve as a temporary buffer during stressful periods. It allows individuals to function without being overwhelmed by emotions, providing a mental respite. However, it’s essential to address the underlying causes to prevent prolonged detachment.” — Tamara Driskell
