Another key to staying out of the red: Self-Awareness
By Allison McCrory / Photo by Kate Treick Photography
Budgeting apps, books and podcasts abound.
But what if poor financial management isn’t rooted in a lack of knowledge but instead is rooted in emotional issues?
“One way we can look at overspending is that it is a self-boundary problem,” advised Pensacola registered mental health counselor intern Leslie Donovan.
“We need to check and see if there are any symptoms related to a difficulty in setting limits on our own behavior,” Donovan said. “Symptoms may be depression, anxiety, panic, relationship struggles, loneliness, work problems or psychosomatic problems.”
Buying excessively could be an attempt to meet a non-material need. But of course, the need isn’t met and bills — and things — accumulate.
“When we have unmet emotional hunger, which comes from our attachment needs, we will seek it out in other places, such as in food, work or in spending money. Working with a counselor can help a person identify the root causes and help a person identify what they really need,” Donovan said.
While emotional hunger can drive overspending, so can other issues.
“Overspending can sometimes be an avoidance of emotions, but not always,” Donovan explained. “There are other factors that could contribute or make someone more vulnerable to overspending.”
Examples are “special occasions where we don’t keep track of how many people we need to purchase for, disregarding long-term interests for immediate gratification, addictions, substance misuse, ADHD, anxiety, depression; personality disorders and mood swings leading to mania due to poor judgment.”
How can a shopper tell if her spending is abnormal and potentially budget-busting?
“We might know we have a spending problem when we have purchases around our house that we never use, lie about spending, feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or confused after shopping. Our desires, urges and cravings are emotionally driven,” Donovan said.
Accepting that sad emotions will come and go and knowing how to prevent them from turning into a tsunami are valuable skills to curb “retail therapy.”
“The best thing for all of us is to learn to identify our emotions,” Donovan said. “One helpful analogy is to think of emotions like a wave that comes over you, and you need to learn to surf the wave. Learning the skills of deep belly breathing, mindfulness, growth mindset, self-compassion and asking for help can help us surf the wave.”
Filling ourselves up with social connection might be a gratifying alternative to making purchases, she added.
“Am I running away from problems by shopping? Which problems? What can I do to address my problem instead of shopping?”
Why not take a walk or have lunch with a friend rather than shopping?
TIPS FOR FINANCIAL EMOTIONAL WELLNESS
Ask yourself, “Do I want it, or do I need it?”
Set up automatic transfers to your savings account.
Have a family limit for purchases. Anything over a designated limit is discussed before purchasing.
Be mindful: I notice I am having the urge to buy something. Notice it as a thought, name it, put it in an imaginary cloud and watch it float away. Many times, the urge will dissipate.
Use positive self-talk that compliments yourself for being disciplined.
Don’t shop when you feel disappointed, angry or scared.
Avoid websites where you tend to overspend.
Set limits on possessions to protect budget and home organization. For example, I will give away a pair of shoes before I buy a pair of shoes.
Pay with cash — it is more painful than credit!
Use your willpower as a resource, and use positive self-talk.
To avoid impulse buying, delay every purchase for 24 hours.
Buy only from a prewritten list.
Put down the phone when you are tired or sad.
Do not store your credit card on websites or on your computer.
Reward yourself for milestones to stay motivated.
Share your goals with a trusted friend or family member who can help you stay on track.
